Most of what I write on here are some what related to my writing. I am realizing that I am removing a vast portion of my personal internal battles, discussions, and concerns that makes me all around….more personable with you.
Here’s a big Blunt Talk conversation: I have been struggling to lose weight. I don’t feel happy in my own skin. It’s frustrating to look at other people that easily walk around in a trim healthy body, eating pizza and carbs and sugar without a worry about it. No this isn’t me saying this because of what society tells me I need to look like, I don’t feel COMFORTABLE in my own body. If I felt good and comfortable being a size 12 then great! If I was a size 20 and happy as a clam, great! But I am not comfortable and it has nothing to do with the mindset of what people in the world find beautiful. It’s not about being beautiful either. I don’t feel comfortable. That is the problem.
This is a strange thing to feel. I sit down and I feel like I have to much weight around my middle, I can feel my thighs touch way too much when I walk in a dress. I know you must be thinking, “Jess, you aren’t obese, what are you talking about?” Funny you should say that. According to a very popular health site, for my height and my weight I am considered overweight. One the other hand, I don’t feel like I am seen as an overweight person. Perhaps I hide it well, or perhaps for typical standards of what over weight is, I am not considered that. I however, don’t care about any of that. I just feel uncomfortable.
Here’s the thing. I am one of those people that likes to know how things work. I was the annoying student in math class that would ask why to every equation. “Yes, but why does it work like that? I don’t want to just know how to do the equation, I want to know how it works!” My whole life I was told to do cardio, eat a balanced diet, and stay away from simple sugar. Here’s the problem though, SUGAR IS IN EVERYTHING practically. What doesn’t work for me is the 1 hour of treadmill cardio every day. It did absolutely nothing for me. And the all around healthy balanced diet….I gained weight! I know, people will say, “Well you did it wrong then.” Yep, that could be it. But that isn’t my point. My point is that everyone is different and you have to figure out what works best for you! I haven’t yet figured this out….and I am almost 32 years old. I still have no idea how my metabolism works and why when everyone else is losing weight when we are on a diet and work out plan, I seem to gain weight. No….it’s not just gaining muscle…I gain FAT! I hate when people say that. I have been working out pretty consistently (at least 3-5 days a week) for the last year and a half. There is no “you are in the gaining muscle” phase that will keep me from losing weight. I have fat that I need to lose while I continue to gain the muscle. That is the fact.
So in a mindset of everyone is different, I have been searching relentlessly for what works for me. I stumbled onto the keto diet and felt that I should give it a go. I didn’t do enough research though….mistake #1 and I started gaining weight again. I was dumbfounded. Everyone else I have heard that goes on a keto diet loses fat like melting butter in a pan….one minute it’s there and the next it’s gone! Not for me. I put on weight, and I feel it. Remember, not everyone is the same. And for me, I need to adjust to suit my needs that will allow me to live a healthy life. Mistake #2, I kept drinking alcohol 1-2 times per week. BIG. FAT. NO NO!
What I honestly learned in the last few months of trying a new diet and struggling to see what will work:
1) We have to give up what we love in order to gain a lifestyle that we never had before. I have always had a lot of fruit, alcohol, coffee and desserts in my life. And I expected a change in my life if I kept all the things I wanted while working really hard for the things I had never had before. This is a problem. I can’t succeed without sacrifice, and it’s something that is really hard to come to terms with.
2) Not everyone can handle carbs. Not everyone can eat dairy. Not everyone can eat meat. We are all different and tailoring your diet to fit your needs is probably the hardest things any of us can do (unless you are a trained dietitian….and even then it’s a game to see what will work). We eat food in hopes that we will get the nutrients and benefits from it like that one person on the amazon review page did…but it doesn’t always work that way. Just because they were able to see results, doesn’t mean you will too. It takes a lot of trial and error…more error than results in my personal opinion but when you do find it, it will be like gold!
3) Don’t give up. Whatever you do, don’t give up. I know it’s hard, I know you feel like you have no other options and there is nothing you can do that will work, but trust me….giving up is not the option.
I am struggling with my own day to day issues, but we all have our things that keep us from feeling like we are on top of our own world. Don’t let your down times keep you back from reaching your goals. You can do this, and no matter how hard it is, it will be worth it when you achieve them.
One day, I will be sitting on a beach or beside a pool wearing a bikini and I will think to myself….I worked so hard for this. And I will sip on my bubbly water and crunch on some celery knowing that hard work and determination is what got me there.
What are your goals and struggles to obtain them? I say, it’s always easier to keep going when you have an army of support.