The Depth of a Desire

The more I write about the depth of my characters in my Manuscript, the more I start to see the subtle nuisances of myself in them. It’s crazy to see pieces of myself in a character I wrote without realizing that I did it. Writing can be difficult, but sometimes it’s very easy and I think it’s because in a way I write things that I think and feel. I write emotion, heart, and thoughts, I am writing what I feel I would do as that character in that moment. It’s a powerful realization, and a very thrilling moment of freedom.

I not only get to write what I think, I get to play out moments of my deepest darkest and sometimes scariest secrets. Aren’t there things that we don’t want anyone else to know? Aren’t there moments you hide what your true thoughts are on a situation? I know I have. But now, I see that I am able to express my thoughts and feelings through the characters I have created. It’s invigorating.

I am not ashamed to admit that I have some dark moments in my past, things that I do very much regret the pain I may have caused others and wish I hadn’t done it, but I don’t for a second regret the experiences I have gained because of those moments. At the time though, I lived in the moment, and by the voice of my heart. I don’t ever regret doing what I feel is the correct decision…even if at the end of the day it was a very bad decision.

There is a path to happiness, and I believe to follow that path you have to be honest with yourself and what it is that you want. Tell yourself all you want that something is good for you or bad for you, but if you enjoy the aftermath and experiences gained I don’t see the negative side. Flip that around and imagine doing something over and over again that you hate because you feel obligated to. Why would you force yourself to do that? There is no reason to live a life the way those around you want you to. I want to live my life according to me and what will make me happy at the end of my life. Take that as a selfish comment, it’s ok, you are allowed to. But remember, you are the only person who has to live with you for the rest of your life. Those you choose to surround yourself with should be those that you love and cherish. You will go out of your way to make them happy to in order to ensure that they STAY around you, to ensure they WANT to stay.

Sometimes as humans we are afraid to be outwardly selfish. I am not. I have a heart though, and I understand that every action I make affects those around me. I make a decision based on my thoughts and feelings, as well as those around me; but always in the mindset of “how will this make me a happier healthier person?”

Now imagine that you didn’t have to take into account anyone around you. Live a life for you to the fullest with only you in mind? That is what it is to write. I can do that, and it’s wonderful. I can’t wait to get to the 3rd Manuscript friends, I have the absolute best character to introduce you to.  I love characters with depth, immense purpose and devotion to their opinions. It’s wonderful, and very enjoyable to write.

Sorry it’s been so long since I have been able to give you some words from my side of the tracks, but I hope to post more soon. As always, I love your feedback and discussions. Hope to talk with you soon!


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