The Praetorian Outlet, vol. 1

Camille Scipio –Praetorian Outlet, vol. 1

Right now I feel cold. Alone and without shred of protection. I lay here bare before my own eyes and I’m afraid of the truth of what I see. There is poison on my lips and it’s not from drinking out of the well. This poison comes from within. I’m afraid it will never go away, no matter the oppression. I’m afraid the monster will remain; chipping nibbling and scratching away at my defenses. I will lose this battle, I know this.

How can you prepare to lose to the fight? How can you prep to accept what you are inside? How can you be honest to the ones you love? I can’t say it out loud, I won’t. I know that deep down there is no way to express the truth.

I feel the claws gripping my insides threatening to release the demons. I can’t hold it back much longer and the blast zone of my inner apocalypse will bring everyone to their knees. I would ask him to leave, but I can’t because I need him. I’m sorry I’m not so vocal but I am a selfish person as much as I protest not to be. I would do this alone if I could, but I know for a fact that I can’t.

Please understand my plea, understand that I am not safe. I will crush every ounce of faith you had left and I will do this without even looking back. Please…I hope you hear this truth and know that it wasn’t you, it has always been me. I can’t change who or what I am, and hope despite that you can still find it in your heart to love me anyways as I will always love and cherish you.

 

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